Reflections on the Nude Housekeeper

By Melanie DeSilva

This is the text of a real personal ad in the Valley Advocate:

“NUDE HOUSEKEEPER
Ladies, I’ll clean your home. I’ll cook your meals. I’ll do your wash. Call me and tell me when; I’ll be nude while doing work for you free of charge.”

Since I became a divorced mother, and have been solely responsible for maintaining my household, I have been tracking this guy.  I’m assuming it’s a guy by the use of the word “ladies”, but you never know. Anyway, a year ago I spied this personal ad in one of our local newspapers. Ever since then, I have snatched this publication off the rack each week and gone right to the personals to see if the ad is still there. And sure enough, every week, there he is- offering his naked housekeeping services to the women of Western Massachusetts and beyond.  And every time I read it, I wonder- who IS this guy?  Is he a pervert? Some of you might say, “Well, duh! Of course he’s a pervert.”  But maybe he’s not a pervert. Maybe he’s a regular guy who has a fetish like people who have foot fetishes or food fetishes or spanking fetishes.  Maybe he’s an insurance salesman, or a teacher, or a police officer, and in every other part of his life he’s an upstanding citizen. Maybe he’s the chair of the PTO, or a minister or runs the youth choir at church, and just has this strange little quirk. Or…. Maybe he is a sociopath. I don’t know.

But what I do know is that I work two jobs, take care of two children, my house is a mess and there is a man out there who isn’t just OFFERING to clean my house for free, he really, really wants to clean my house for free. Not only does he want to clean my house, but he wants to cook meals and do laundry. WOW! I wonder- Is he a good cook? Can he cook organic, healthy meals with whole grain ingredients and lots of vegetables? Is he willing to clean the toilet and the cat boxes?  What about folding and putting away the laundry? What about the cat puke on the bedspread- can he deal with that too? And will he garden? That IS outside. What will the neighbors think? 

And then I keep thinking about logistical issues like- How does he prevent himself from getting hurt from grease and water splashes at the stove? Does he wear an apron? If he does, doesn’t that defeat the purpose? He might as well wear clothes then.

And then I wonder- Do I have to be home when he’s cleaning? Is that part of the deal? What if he’s not a guy that I care to look at? Would he be willing to wear a little piece of terrycloth? 

It’s amazing to me the extent to which I have thought about this ad in the midst of the desperation I have often felt being a divorced mother of two. When I was married and wasn’t working full time, I would have dismissed this ad and thought that no one in their right mind would ever call this guy.  But, being a single, divorced mom, working more than full time, has resulted in my home and car often being a disaster. And desperate times call for desperate measures.   

In the end I have decided not to call this guy. First, he really could be a dangerous person (although I highly doubt it). And second, as of last December, I am engaged to a man who- like the ad says, will “clean my home, cook my meals, and do my wash for free.” And if I asked, I bet he would do it all while in the nude.

Melanie DeSilva is the Executive Director of MotherWoman. She is the mother of two beautiful daughters and is engaged to a beautiful, gentle and funny massage therapist.   


Melanie Blocker Stokes MOTHERS Act becomes Law

By Liz Friedman

The groundbreaking Health Insurance Reform Bill, that passed Congress last week, included in it the Melanie Blocker Stokes MOTHERS Act.  This legislation, sponsored by U.S. Senator Robert Menendez (D-NJ), now will become law.  This legislation creates a federal initiative to address the issues of postpartum depression which will include research, health education campaigns, and support services for mothers.  This is a significant step forward in addressing the needs of mothers experiencing perinatal and postpartum emotional complications.  See the links below for more information:

MOTHERS Act Becomes Law
Mar 29, 2010 10:35 am | MGH Center for Women’s Mental Health

March 22, 2010
MAJOR INITIATIVE TO COMBAT POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION TO BE SIGNED INTO LAW AS PART OF HEALTH INSURANCE REFORM

Liz Friedman is a mother of two children and the Co-Director of MotherWoman’s Postpartum Support Initiative.

Parable of the starfish- What MotherWoman has done for me.

By NJ

I spoke at the Annual MotherWoman Brunch about the immense impact that MotherWoman has had on my mothering in these first 10 months of my son’s life. Here’s what I said.

My entire life I knew I wanted to be a mother. I was your typical child of the eighties. I had a Cabbage Patch Kid, My Buddy, Baby Alive, Kid Sister, P.J. Sparkles, Cricket, you name it, I had it. I pushed my babies around in strollers, dressed them up in the latest fashions, and gave them weird names that only a 5 year old could think of.

Nine months ago my dream came true. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Malone Alexander. I could not have asked for a better birth experience. The only regret I have surrounding my son’s birth is the fact that Michael Jackson died the next morning and I was stuck in the hospital with 4 television channels and there was 24/7 news coverage.

It was otherwise perfect but soon the reality of being a new mother set in.

The following is from a journal entry written when Malone was about six weeks old, two weeks before I started attending MotherWoman.

In a way, I feel like I’ve been shortchanged. Going into his birth I knew my options. I faithfully attended the childbirth classes with my husband and felt very in control and educated about the different ways to give birth. I knew what would happen and felt like I was very prepared.

But no one told me what it was going to be like when I was home all alone with the baby and he is screaming his brains out and nothing I do makes him happy.

The day before I attended my first MotherWoman meeting, I stopped by my old office to show off the baby. When an old coworker asked if I was “like totally in love” with this beautiful baby boy and wasn’t motherhood “awesome” I honestly responded no. And when I did so, she responded with a condescending tone full of judgment “what do you mean no, he’s beautiful and you’re supposed to love being his mom.” She made me question my inner most feelings and I pulled away from the office in tears, questioning if I was cut out to be a mom.

The next day, at my first MotherWoman meeting, I mustered up the courage to speak honestly again. To a room full of strangers, I remember saying “I want to enjoy him, I want to love him, but I don’t right now and I feel so guilty about it.” But this time, when I spoke honestly I wasn’t greeted with judgment on the other end. Instead, I heard kind encouraging words from the facilitators. And from the other mothers in the circle that day learned I wasn’t the only one who felt like this. I heard phrases like feeling the way you do is normal, of course you love your baby but right now you are in the thick of it and it’s okay to feel disconnected.

I left the meeting that day feeling beyond encouraged. I’ve been attending a circle almost every week since then and feel like I’ve found a home in MotherWoman. The tools and education I have recieved just by participating in a circle have been worth more than a million dollars.

MotherWoman helped me to realize that being a mother really is hard work, and it’s okay to think that it’s hard. It’s taught me that I don’t have to be a mama martyr and that taking time to take care of me is important. It’s taught me that reaching out for help when I need it doesn’t make me any less of a mother- I don’t have to try to do it all. It’s taught me to hone in on who my support system is and what areas I need more support. I’ve received education about postpartum depression and I was able to avoid crisis because I recognized my own warning signs.

The work MotherWoman does is remarkable, life changing, and extremely important.

I’d like to close with this.

“Parable of the starfish”, adapted from a book by Loren Eiseley…

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young woman, and that what she was doing was not dancing at all. The young woman was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean. He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?” The young woman paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”

“I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young woman replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.” Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young woman, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? There are thousands of them – you can’t possibly make a difference!” At this, the young woman bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, she said, “It made a difference for that one.

 

About NJ

Before I had my son in June 2009, I was the world’s best parent. As a third generation child care provider and a former nanny, I had an opinion on every topic from sleep to play date etiquette. But, then my son was born and I realized that I didn’t “really” know much if anything. In my son’s earliest days basic self care tasks like flossing and changing my clothes were on my to do list- what a reality shock!

These days I am working from home part time and the primary care provider for my son. I am a mama who is ever changing and trying to do the best I can for my son and family. I crave balance but often struggle to find enough hours in the day to get it all done

In the times I can sneak away from my family and steal a few moments for myself I enjoy reading, sipping on a yummy coffee drink, attempting to learn how to crochet and writing/blogging.

Visit my blog at Diary of a Real Mom. There you will find my real life stories, musings, and thoughts.

And then I was mauled by the cat. AKA- my morning single parenting

By Melanie DeSilva

The day started with me hitting the snooze button four times, at which point I gasped realizing that it was 7:20am, the children needed to make the 8:08am bus, and I needed to be at work at 8:15am.  I leapt out of bed, flinging the covers off my two sleeping daughters. “Time to get up girls! You MUST make the bus.” I threw on the first set of clean underwear and respectable clothes I could find, brushed my teeth, put on deodorant, flew down the stairs, and put two bagels that I just bought yesterday but were now totally stale into the microwave for 20 seconds to soften them up praying they would not become too rubbery which would cause my seven year old daughter to refuse to eat them. Yes! Not too rubbery! I win! I’m an awesome mom! I cut the bagels, put them on plates, and spread the cream cheese on the bagels which my daughters are too old for me to do for them except it takes them a million years to spread any soft food product and I don’t have that kind of time. Table set, water cups, bagels on plates.

“Let’s go girls.  Get dressed and come downstairs, Breakfast is on the table.” Next, the lunches.  I open Ella’s backpack and remove old, crusty food. Lillian’s lunch box has now been missing for exactly one month.  It’s in the lunch box vortex of the universe.  For her, a paper bag.  Apples, yogurts… “Mom, can you help me put on my bandage?” I turn around and Ella is naked holding one of our cats along with a gauze bandage. She had blood drawn yesterday and even though you can’t at all tell where the needle went in, she wants to wear a bandage to school and a short sleeve shirt to show off her wound. In the phlebotomist office while she was crying, I promised her she could. I also promised her a lollipop and a balloon.  If she had continued to struggle and cry, I might have promised her a puppy, but she never needs to know that.  She won’t put the cat down, because it will of course run away in terror if she does, so she insists that I put the bandage AND her shirt on while she’s holding the cat. This is taking a long time.  I can hear the second hand on the clock. I feel like screaming, “Put the fucking cat down!” but I don’t. I smile with my teeth clenched. 

I go back to making lunches. Then I feel guilty that there’s no fruit at the breakfast table. So, I grab a cantaloupe and start cutting it swiftly and aggressively with an extremely sharp knife. I fantasize about cutting my finger off.  How awful.  Who would I call to cancel my meeting this morning? But, then again, I would probably get the rest of the week off. Cantaloupe on the table, lunches packed, I look over and Lillian is eating slower than anyone has ever eaten in the history of humankind.  “It’s 7:55am. You have to brush your teeth, get your shoes on and go out to the bus. If you miss the bus, I will get in trouble with my work.” That is SO not true. I feel like a horrible mother for saying that. “Ok, I don’t need to eat anyway,” Lillian says.  I think, “Oh my God, I’m starving my child for my work.  What kind of mother am I?”

Teeth brushed- check; shoes on- check; library books in backpack- check; note to teacher about chronic tummy aches- check. Then, I remember- the cats need their medicine.

@$%#$&@! 

8:57am. I grab Mo and before he knows what’s happening I have him in a Kung Ku body lock and have thrown a pill down his throat. Next, the insulin shot.  Draw 3 ccs. Shot done. That was easy.  Finally- Miles. Miles was in the hospital last week and almost died.  There he sat, this obese, geriatric, very much alive, orange cat, peering at me leerily as I walk over to him with two pills.  He knows what’s coming and tries to run away.  We fight. We wrestle.  He mauls my hand. My own cat, the cat whose life I just saved, has mauled me. Ungrateful bastard. I fantasize about him not having survived his medical crisis and being in the kitty grave. But, in the end, the pills are in his stomach, and with a bloody hand, we sprint to the bus and make it just in time. I put the rest of Lillian’s bagel into her hand as she gets on the bus. Then I book it to the car, and drive way too fast to work- like a maniac actually. 8:17am. Not bad for a morning’s work.

Melanie DeSilva is the Executive Director of MotherWoman. She is the mother of two beautiful daughters and is engaged to a beautiful, gentle and funny massage therapist.   

Supporting mothers in prison

By Melanie DeSilva

The Prison Birth Project is one of MotherWoman’s partner organizations. They are amazing women doing amazing work to support incaracerated mothers. Here is a letter to the editor that I just submitted to the Springfield Republican thanking them for writing an article about PBP.

Thank you for writing about the Prison Birth Project.  MotherWoman, Inc. is proud to be just one of the Prison Birth Project’s many partner organizations. When incarcerated mothers are treated with respect and dignity, and receive high quality support, training and health care, they are empowered to make positive life choices for themselves and their children upon release.  The vital work of the Prison Birth Project is life-changing for the mothers they serve and for the children and families whose lives are improved forever because of the dignified care their mothers received while incarcerated.

 

Melanie DeSilva is the Executive Director of MotherWoman. She is the mother of two beautiful daughters and is engaged to a beautiful, gentle and funny massage therapist.

A CALL TO ACTION: Essential Acupuncture Legislation for Mothers

Time to write Emails!

When I had my postpartum crisis 7 years ago, with pre-eclampsia, hemmorhaging, a difficult labor and no pain medication, followed by 7 days of not sleeping, I was in the worst shape possible.  Now I know that I was in a critical postpartum crisis.  I needed to take emergency steps to address the crisis.  The first resource that I found for myself was an acupuncturist.  My acupuncturist saved my life.  After our first treatment I was able to sleep again and with her ongoing care and treatment I recovered my balance, step by step, without using psychiatric medication.  

What I discovered is that acupuncture is an effective treatment for mothers experiencing intense perinatal and postpartum emotional complications.  

When I was pregnant with my second baby five years later, I reached out to an acupuncturist when I was pregnant, used her treatments to support my health and pregnancy and also used her recommendations for pressure points during labor to reduce my pain level. Acupuncture again was a godsend!  Not only did I not have another round with postpartum emotional complications, I was able to cut my labor pain in 1/2 with the use of her recommended pressure points.  

(To read an important new study that came out two weeks ago on acupuncture’s efficacy in treating new mothers experiencing PPD go to: The study abstract,  Massachusetts General Hospital Center for Women’s Mental Health’s take on the study.)

In our fight to ensure that all women have access to all the healing modalities that they deserve and need in the postpartum period it is essential to do whatever we can to help pass the Acupuncture Legislation.

Massachusetts Bill H4111, An Act Providing for Medical Coverage for Acupuncture will ensure that all Massachusetts residents have access to acupuncture through their insurance.  The Bill was heard by the Massachusetts Joint Finance Committee last Tuesday March 9th at the State House in Boston. Currently, all Massachusetts residents must have health insurance, but few insurers cover Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine (AOM) services and if they do, coverage is very restrictive.  MA Bill H4111, if passed, will mandate that all MA health insurers cover all services provided by a MA Licensed Acupuncturist (LAc).

Please make it your business to write the Financial Services Committee and  your legislators ASAP regarding the Acupuncture legislation.   See my Sample Letter Below.  

Acupuncture is an essential and important tool that we must have available for ALL MOTHERS in the Commonwealth.

The Hearing for this legislation was last week but there is still time to have a huge impact!  Please email the Financial Services Committee with your own letter of support of the legislation by cutting and pasting the list of emails below.  Please include your own representative and senator when you do, so they know of your support for this legislation.  

Financial Services Committee:

Stephen.Buoniconti@state.ma.us,Thomas.McGee@state.ma.us, Susan.Tucker@state.ma.us, Mark.Montigny@state.ma.us, Brian.A.Joyce@state.ma.us, Michael.Knapik@state.ma.us, Rep.PeterKoutoujian@hou.state.ma.us, Rep.JamesMurphy@hou.state.ma.us, Rep.ChristopherFallon@hou.state.ma.us, Rep.RobertNyman@hou.state.ma.us, Rep.JosephDriscoll@hou.state.ma.us, Rep.WillieMaeAllen@Hou.State.MA.US, Rep.AllenMcCarthy@Hou.State.MA.US, Rep.JamesO’Day@Hou.State.MA.US, Rep.JamesCantwell@hou.state.ma.us, Rep.DanielWebster@hou.state.ma.us, Rep.SusanGifford@hou.state.ma.us
Please note that Senator Buoniconti, co-chair is from Hampden County and Senator Knapik, member is from Second Hampden and Hampshire!

Please feel free to copy my letter and use it as a model for your own.  

My letter:
Dear Representatives and Senators of the Financial Services Committee,
I was unable to testify on behalf of Massachusetts Bill H4111, An Act Providing for Medical Coverage for Acupuncture last week but wanted to make sure that my voice is heard.  I am in strong support of this legislation.  

When I had my postpartum crisis 7 years ago, with pre-eclampsia, hemmorhaging, a cervical dilator and no pain medication, followed by 7 days of not sleeping, I was in the worst shape possible.  Now I know that I was in a critical postpartum crisis.  I needed to take emergency steps to address the crisis.  The first resource that I found for myself was an acupuncturist.  That woman saved my life.  After our first treatment I was able to sleep again and with her ongoing care and treatment I recovered my balance, step by step, without any medication.  What I discovered is that acupuncture is an effective treatment for mothers experiencing intense perinatal and postpartum emotional complications.

As the Director of the Postpartum Support Initiative of MotherWoman, I work with mothers every day who are living through the worst experiences of postpartum depression, anxiety and postpartum-related PTSD.  As you know, from the recent hearing in support of the postpartum legislation that was introduced by Rep. Ellen Story, PPD is a horror for mothers, their children and families.  Acupuncture is one treatment that can help!  We want to ensure that women have every support option at their disposal when facing PPD.  Currently, acupuncture is not available to women without the financial means to pay for it out of pocket.  We need to ensure that every mother has the ability to access this important health care option.  

There is a recent study that concluded that Acupuncture can be an effective treatment for mother’s experiencing postpartum depression (The study abstract,  Massachusetts General Hospital Center for Women’s Mental Health weighing in on the study).  It is essential that we provide mothers with all resources, heath care options and supportive tools that they need to recover quickly from the debilitating and damaging condition of PPD.  

Please show your support of this legislation by giving it a favorable recommendation.

To read an important new study that came out two weeks ago on Acupuncture’s impact on new mothers experiencing depression go to:  The study abstract,  Massachusetts General Hospital Center for Women’s Mental Health’s take on the study.

If you have any questions, want more information, or want to get involved, please contact:
 
James Moran, MA LAc
Bill4111@gmail.com
AAAOM Past President
Massachusetts Acupuncture Society Former Board Member

Please note that MotherWoman has not yet taken a formal position on this legislation. This opinions expressed in this blog are my own.

 

Liz Friedman is a mother of two children and the Co-Director of MotherWoman’s Postpartum Support Initiative.

What I Know

By NJ

Disclaimer again. This is a cross post with Motherwoman- my apologies.

Malone has spent most of the morning in front of PBS.

I’ve spent most of this morning working on getting started.

I reached out to two friends that I know have walked down this road before who pointed me in a great direction. I’ve gotten the names of a few good therapists.

“Let me know how I can help, I can even watch Malone for you while you go.”

I spent 30 minutes on the phone with my insurance provider who had so much love and support in her voice it was unreal.

I said it. “I have postpartum depression.”

We navigated the insurance company’s website together. She made sure that I knew what was covered, what wasn’t, was wasn’t covered but was discounted, and what “rules” I needed to follow. She made sure I knew which of the seven different options was the one that matched up with my coverage.

She ended the call this way “I hope you get the help you’re looking for. And congratulations on the baby.”

Amazing customer service.

I spent a 20 minute cycle of gathering up the courage, chickening out, and hanging up on my OB/GYN practice. I pray they don’t have caller ID. It was like I was in high school again, calling and hanging up on the cutest boy in class.

And then I didn’t hang up.

I said it again.

“I’d like to make an appointment with the midwife. I think I have postpartum depression.”

“Okay, great.” Um.. what?!?

I’ll chalk this one up to a reactionary response. I am sure that the receptionist didn’t even know what she said. I’ve heard her say it when I made appointments with her before.

“How would tomorrow at 2:30 be?”

“Great. Thanks. See you then.”

So, I’ve set the plan in motion. And already, I feel a little better about things. Writing has helped, getting the ball rolling has helped, and reaching out has helped.

This afternoon the baby mama’s and I are going on a walk. It’s so nice out, how could you not?

Thank God it isn’t winter anymore. I can only imagine how much harder this would be in wintertime, when it’s already so easy to stay in and disconnect.

In looking back on yesterday’s post, I am so proud of myself.

About NJ

Before I had my son in June 2009, I was the world’s best parent. As a third generation child care provider and a former nanny, I had an opinion on every topic from sleep to play date etiquette. But, then my son was born and I realized that I didn’t “really” know much if anything. In my son’s earliest days basic self care tasks like flossing and changing my clothes were on my to do list- what a reality shock!

These days I am working from home part time and the primary care provider for my son. I am a mama who is ever changing and trying to do the best I can for my son and family. I crave balance but often struggle to find enough hours in the day to get it all done

In the times I can sneak away from my family and steal a few moments for myself I enjoy reading, sipping on a yummy coffee drink, attempting to learn how to crochet and writing/blogging.

Visit my blog at Diary of a Real Mom. There you will find my real life stories, musings, and thoughts.

 

Reflections on my daughter’s seventh birthday

My daughter Ella turned 7 yesterday. How on earth did that happen?  There is truth that the older one gets, the faster time goes by.  There she was at her birthday party on Saturday in a pink dress, her yellow, just-cut, short hair, beaming in the sunlight, the biggest smile on her face, struggling to carry a giant rainbow of balloons that were trying their hardest to lift her off the ground. 

She looks exactly the same as she did the day she was born- only bigger and with more hair.  She was born the day after Winter Storm Ella- a huge snow storm that rocked the East Coast on March 6, 2003. She was born on her Great Grandmother Emily’s 90th birthday.

After what seemed like an eternity of hard labor, she was born into a hot tub in a hot room surrounded by the love of midwives and family.  My older daughter Lillian was there holding a flashlight into the tub as her head emerged.

Ella’s birthday brings up so much. Wonderful love-filled memories braided with pain. I remember wistfully and with great tenderness my children as babies and toddlers.  And I feel enormous hurt, grief and shame for the ways in which I still feel that I was not the mother to them that they deserved and needed as babies and toddlers.  I remember holding them and loving them, reading to them and napping with them. And I remember yelling, tears, anger and disconnection.  I am filled with love this time of year, yet Ella’s birthday and the birthday of my older daughter also bring up feelings of sorrow, grief and loss. The loss of my marriage and grief over the baby I never had.  But, every year with Ella’s birthday comes Spring- a time for reflection, and the birth of new life and new hope. And the opportunity to continue to heal, grow and be gentle with myself.   

Melanie DeSilva is the Executive Director of MotherWoman. She is the mother of two beautiful daughters and is engaged to a beautiful, gentle and funny massage therapist.

 

Notes from the Diaper Bag

By Christina Marie Bailey

Like every morning since Ben arrived, I find myself knee deep in diapers. My shirt is covered in spit up and the remnant stains of the morning’s first attempts at solids. As I wash the applesauce from my hair, I close my eyes and let the water run across my face.  My cherub is dreaming right now and I am taking advantage of the little reprieve that I have been granted. We have been practicing the art of spoon feeding. It’s the hardest thing we have tried so far. I guess I just thought it would come naturally. Everyone asks about it like it’s a race. I know it’s not mission impossible but deep down I am starting to think he’ll be graduating from high school before he gives up his formula. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “hitting the bottle.”

I have to admit I also will miss the time we share. Don’t get me wrong, I am loving the cereal covered fingers touching everything and him laughing out the little I actually managed to airplane into his mouth. It’s just that I feel like it’s my fault that he doesn’t hold a sippy cup yet or feed himself or change the oil on our van. It’s like no one wants to let babies be babies anymore. “Little Bobby has kindergarten till twelve and then he argues before the Supreme Court at one.” I just want Benjamin to be happy and healthy, even if he can’t write his dissertation yet or negotiate peace in the Middle East.

I’m not saying I want to keep him a baby forever. Quite the contrary, I couldn’t stop it anyway. It’s true I revel in the things he can do every day. His newest trick is rolling onto his back. (Tummy time is almost impossible, but I love to hear him laugh at my attempts.) I want to see him grow and change and learn new things, but I want him to do it in his own time, when he’s ready. Life would be easier if he knew how to balance my checkbook but then he’d want to borrow the car and go out with some girl, and what mother is ready for that? Well, he’s up again and it’s time for another dance with the dish and the spoon, but hopefully he won’t go running away with them just yet.

About Christina Marie Bailey
A writer and a mom, nothing brings more joy than to write what I know best, my son Benjamin. Of course, tears come in both varieties. The joys, and pains, of motherhood need to be heard, and I am going to tell them. Born in Temple, TX, I was shuffled around the country, following my father’s military career, finally settling in Massachusetts. I grew up with my parents and my three siblings, a sister and two brothers. We were, and are still, very close. I attended Westfield High School, graduated from Westfield State College and then obtained my law degree at Western New England School of Law. Due to a my struggle with Bipolar disorder, I am disabled, but still make time to write, which I love to do more than anything else I can think of. When I became pregnant, I faced a new challenge. It was for that reason that I wrote my book “Ride At Your Own Risk: A Guide for Pregnant Women with Bipolar Disorder, and Their Families by Someone Who’s Done It.” Available at Barnesandnoble.com and Amazon.com (ISBN# 1-4489-1620-8), it talks all about the disorder, as well as dealing with being pregnant as well. It is a valuable resource for anyone who has questions about it. Having a history of Bipolar disorder, I was a candidate for Postpartum Depression. Fortunately, knowing all that, I was able to better prepare to deal with it. Many other women are not that lucky. But off my soap box for now. Back to the joys and pains of motherhood, read and enjoy.

 

 



Saying it out loud

By NJ

This is a cross-post with MotherWoman. My apologies.

After Malone was born, I experienced the baby blues. I spent a few hours each day for about a week crying through my hormones privately on my bed while someone else tended to my baby. I wasn’t sure what exactly I was crying about, I just knew that I needed to cry. So I did. And then I felt better about things and my “new” normal began.

My new normal included nursing a baby every few hours, taking whatever sleep I could get, socializing with other mamas and their babies, and savoring growing into motherhood.

I started attending a Motherwoman group when Malone was about six weeks old because I needed a space where I could speak my truths about how challenging growing into motherhood was for me, not because I needed support in navigating postpartum anxiety or depression. I didn’t expect to find my niche there, but I did. Bonus.

But this post isn’t about that.

More on that another day, promise.

During almost everyday these past few weeks, I have experienced a mix of emotions that I never felt before. I have gone from extreme highs to extreme lows. Days that are spectacular and excellent and days where the smallest things upset me.

I am irrational at times- like this morning when I was crying my eyes out in the lap of my husband because Malone was going down for a nap.

Then it occurred to me.

This is postpartum depression.

I am experiencing postpartum depression.

Through the tears, I said it out loud to my husband.

More tears came.

I fought the tears back as I said it again to a group of mom friends this afternoon at a play date.

I have postpartum depression.

I need help.

I need a least a piece of my old me back. The piece that had days that were steady and strong. I don’t want the extremes.

I am scared and nervous because I’m not sure the best way to seek help and treat this.

I’m currently riding a wave of anxiety as I try to figure out my next move.

Thoughts that are swirling…

Will a diet and exercise change help?
Is that enough?
Who do I talk to professionally about this?
Do I call my OB?
Do I call my doctor?
Do I need a therapist?
Will any of them understand?
Do I need medication?

I don’t know the answers to any of these questions.

I get plenty of socialization and have tons of people I happily confide in so I’m pretty sure this isn’t something I can just talk out.

I am going to reach out to some women I know who have experienced PPD and ask them to help me navigate through this.

So there.

I said it out loud again.

 

About NJ

Before I had my son in June 2009, I was the world’s best parent. As a third generation child care provider and a former nanny, I had an opinion on every topic from sleep to play date etiquette. But, then my son was born and I realized that I didn’t “really” know much if anything. In my son’s earliest days basic self care tasks like flossing and changing my clothes were on my to do list- what a reality shock!

These days I am working from home part time and the primary care provider for my son. I am a mama who is ever changing and trying to do the best I can for my son and family. I crave balance but often struggle to find enough hours in the day to get it all done

In the times I can sneak away from my family and steal a few moments for myself I enjoy reading, sipping on a yummy coffee drink, attempting to learn how to crochet and writing/blogging.

Visit my blog at Diary of a Real Mom. There you will find my real life stories, musings, and thoughts.