My youngest child goes to Kindergarten next year. I’m excited. I think about it everyday. I hear other mother talk with longing in their voices. Can you believe they grow up so fast? I just want them to stay little. I try to make the appropriate noises, but I can’t access the feelings. I’m happy. I wonder briefly if there is something wrong with me and brush away the thought.
Recently, I’ve noticed some changes in our habits: we’ve been on time to school, swim lessons, and meetings. Head colds do not lay waste to our family for weeks. I’ve noticed myself being pleasantly amused by other people’s two year old cherubs – instead of overwhelmed by my own. The boys are relatively easy to hand off to people, so going to work is a breeze.
I’m not sure I recognize myself, this new self, the mother of school-aged children. I need a wardrobe change. A piece of me says, quick, have one more baby! I don’t know how to function like this. Maybe I am setting my expectations to high. Maybe I don’t know what’s next. Maybe that will be okay, even though I’m squirming inside.
Among my most pressing concerns, is when I don’t have pictures like this to post on my blog, what will I write about?