On being a mama when it’s hot

I live in New England where it gets hot, like real hot, for just maybe two weeks of the year.  I didn’t have an air conditioner in my home till I was in college, and sharing an apt and I really didn’t use one all the time till I was pregnant with Kai.

inherent capability.

By Tara Jean

April is a month set aside for poetry, and I stumbled again, on this clip of a mother who cares less about what others think of her than I am capable of. I want to be this mother – sign me up for the tattoos, the sweater, the cropped haircut, even the skull and crossbones broach, if it means, that I can stop caring about what people think.

It’s just the way I mother-
will not look like the way you mother -
and sometimes – that shakes me up- and challenges my core.

I make choices that do not look like yours -
I am crunchier than you – or not crunchy enough -
I am less likely to do things that you do – or more.
I might be louder, quicker to anger, slower to react,
or more anxious -
than you.

And then,
I love my boys so much I feel like I might break into pieces with joy at any moment -
Your love might look just like that -
or different.

And- I’ve resolved;
that each of us – no matter what our parenting style,
or how we feed our baby – by breast or by bottle,
no matter how we school our children, or what books we read to them, or how much media we bring into their lives or not.
No matter which bed we lay our babies in, or how we carry them on our bodies—
I have resolved – that each mother – has the inherent capability
to parent.
to learn.
to ask questions when needed-
and to be allowed to do just do what they can.

I resolve-
That I will support without judgment,
I will listen without advice,
and I will sing the songs,
and write the poems about mamas -
who shiver with the joy of love for their children.

About Tara Jean

She is: A woman who muses.  A woman with an inner monologue that never shuts down. And so, as that woman, I feel that I need to get these constant ramblings on the page.  I see the world through many filters, as woman, mother, wife, and teacher; as nerd, feminist, tree hugger, and music lover.  I am constantly trying to work my writing chops, and to commit to that writing. My blog is my attempt to work all these conditions in to one fluid, comprehensible  discourse. Visit my blog at Happy Valley Mama.



A Sweet Case of Postpartum Depression

Expectations are just resentments under construction.  – Anne Lamont

Mix in expectations with a toddler who never stops, and an infant who doesn’t sleep – liberally sprinkle in a pre-existing anxiety problem and bam – a sweet case of postpartum depression.

I’ve said that d-word just five or six times now. And the thing is, I talk a lot, (here, many of you who know me, smile, nod your head, and think I’m understating it).  But as a friend pointed out the other night, I’ve kept this one  pretty close to my chest.

I probably wouldn’t be saying it here and now, if it weren’t for my mug being all over the local news tonight.  Keegan and I were on all but one of the local networks at a press conference for MotherWoman.

MotherWoman is an incredible organization here in the Valley doing good work  for women in the postpartum period and beyond.  Right now they’re working on advocating for a piece of legislation that would provide for screening for all pregnant and new mamas.

So – today I was brave, and after my group, I stayed around in solidarity with the women telling their stories to the press.

After today, I probably won’t want to talk about this again. But now, I’ll tell you, I wish there was a place outside of my group, where women could talk about what motherhood really looks like without being concerned with the judgments of others.    But the reality is –there’s a heavy burden to abide by the myth of the good mother, and when we deviate from that myth, judgement is passed readily and quickly – I know, because I’ve been ever so guilty of passing it.

And oh the stigma, real or imagined, to admit that in mothering, you’ve been deficient.  That stigma is what keeps me from speaking out-loud – except for this moment -

Tomorrow, MotherWoman travels to Boston to further support the legislation.  I send with them brave thoughts and loud voices, and hope-  so that the next mama sitting where I am, won’t ever feel judged, or any less than she is.